and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
