this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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