Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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