Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
