They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
