My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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