remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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