so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
