i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
