I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
