i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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