Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
