I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
