Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
