one might say we're banned from that church
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
