Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
