ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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