Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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