she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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