Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
