So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
