my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
