Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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