I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
