I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize