she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
