So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
