Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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