I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
