wrigley field is MILF paradise
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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