I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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