I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
