why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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