Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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