I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
