I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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