Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
