her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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