You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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