I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
