I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
