There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
