just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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