we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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