We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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