You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
