u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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