I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
