tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize