I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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