A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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