When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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