I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
