are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
