She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
