i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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