Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
