If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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