ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
