dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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