i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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