that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
