I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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