break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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