It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
