I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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