I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
