remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
