Moan for me like Helen Keller
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
