Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
