That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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