She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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