the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
