I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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