Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
