we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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